Hello readers! Early tomorrow morning I will begin a journey to Memphis, Tennessee for the sixteenth annual Unified Professional Theater Auditions. There I will be chained to a chair in a dimly lit room while scientists monitor my ability to endure repeated performances of Sophie's monologue from The Star-Spangled Girl in various stages of sleep deprivation over a period of several days. Should I survive, I will be transported back north in an unmarked vehicle and returned to my loved ones on or about the evening of Wednesday, February 10th.